You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
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Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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