I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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