i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
