we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
