Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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