i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
