i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
The dick lei will go down in squad history
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
