Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
