dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
