Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
