if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
