yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
