Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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