Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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