Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I will pee on everything he values.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
