party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
