Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
And then my night got REAL pukey
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
