You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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