that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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