i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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