I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
