You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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