We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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