i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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