i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
