And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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