Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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