I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
i think my cat just said my name.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
