i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
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