Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
