I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
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Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
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I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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