Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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