Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
