He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
