you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
