Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
