i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
