i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Never joke about your clitoris.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
