I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
