your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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