i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
