I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
