Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
