I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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