When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
