I'm lost and stupid without you.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
