He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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