We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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