pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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