My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
