I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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