If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
