apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
