so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
