I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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