he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
