Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
