If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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