Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
