I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
