I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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