just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I'm always down for nudity.
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