i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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