you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
