Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
