My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
