Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
