when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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