Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
