If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
