community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
