buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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