I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
