It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
