Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
